


When your feeling low, I will be there with you

by Blackat14



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Just creepy cruella de vil wannabe, Married Life, Naked Cuddling, Panic Attacks, That tag is inspired by el, and her rants, but no one important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27440830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackat14/pseuds/Blackat14
Summary: Vanya stepped up into the handler's face, and she cursed her short stature for a second before focusing on why she was here in the first place.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38
Collections: fiveya week (round 2)





	When your feeling low, I will be there with you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JjdoggieS](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JjdoggieS/gifts).



> This Fic is dedicated to my wonderful friend JJ. I've only known her for about three months but it feels so much longer than that! This is inspired by one of our favorite webtoons that we cry and scream over in chat's and there are even some scenes inspired by said webtoon. I hope you all enjoy bc this fic was inspired by one line specifically.
> 
> Fiveya week, day 7, free day
> 
> Title is taken from the song apocalypse by cigarettes after sex

Vanya awoke when she heard sniffles, ever since she had stopped taking her pills she was no longer a deep sleeper, though it had been a while since she had been awoken so easily, thanks to five she had learned to tune out most noises and not fall into her powers while unconscious. 

However, there were only two people in the apartment her and Five bought, and as she was not the one crying it worried her. She reached over blearly to his side of the bed and frowned when she didn’t feel him, even more, worried when she felt how cold his side was. He must’ve been up a while and she felt horrible for not waking sooner if he did have a nightmare.

She got up, rubbing her eyes as she walked to the living room where the sniffling was coming from and her heart twisted in pain when she saw five on the couch, his long body curled up tight into a small ball, and in that instant, she thought back to a few years ago when he still had his thirteen-year-old body but refused to cry and rage, as he was like a madman, possessed to finish his mission. Now that everything passed he had time to grieve and while she was glad, as it was a sign of recovery, he had over forty years of trauma to process and it hurt her more than being alone since he left when he was thirteen ever did when she remembered she was the cause of most of his trauma.

  
  


She walked over, sitting next to him on the couch and she felt like crying when he flinched back from her but managed to keep them at bay, knowing he was still in his nightmare that had undoubtedly woken him up crying in the first place.

She didn’t try to touch him, but she asked in her gentlest voice as she looked at him in concern, “Do you want to talk about it Five?”

When he didn’t answer she grew worried he was dissociating, as she could no longer hear sniffles. She knew better than to touch him though, remembering when he had had a nightmare when they were still in the academy and he had flipped Diego when he had rushed in when he heard Five screams upon waking up from a nightmare and went to comfort him without realizing that he wasn’t like Klaus or Vanya, who preferred physical touch when having panic attacks or nightmares.

Instead, she got up, going to the kitchen and making him coffee with the darkest roast they had, hoping the aroma would rouse him as coffee wasn’t available in the apocalypse and usually helped ground him because of that. While the coffee brewed she made two peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches, even when five was withdrawn he would eat. She figured it was a subconscious urge as she remembered when he told her he had survived off expired Twinkies and cockroaches.

(She still felt guilt over brushing him off and inadvertently calling him crazy, repaying him by killing everyone and forcing five to take them back to the day of their dad’s funeral. Vanya had locked herself in the anechoic chamber while everyone had gathered their bearings and quickly dealt with cha-cha. Apparently they had let the other one take the owner of griddy’s to go live out their remaining days. It took them almost two days to find Vanya, dehydrated and too skinny as she had a habit of only eating when she remembered food, and her body started giving out on her.)

As she finished putting together the last sandwich the coffee maker beeped to signify it was done brewing. She went and grabbed two mugs, filling them before grabbing the plate and walking everything over (she was in fact cheating, using her powers to levitate the plate over to the coffee table, using the sounds of traffic outside to help her concentrate).

When she reached the couch she placed one of the mugs on the table in front of five before placing hers next to it with the plate in between the mugs. She then goes over to a window in the living room and opens it a little, enough for her to have a little breeze blow through with the help of her powers. 

When she turned around Five has lifted his head, looking at his coffee mug like he wants to touch but is afraid it’ll bite. Her heart weeps for him, knowing that it’ll probably be a while before her cocky and arrogant Five comes back to her. 

She slowly walks to the couch, making sure not to sit too close to him, before reaching out and grabbing a sandwich to nibble on. They weren’t her favorite, Vanya never was a fan of overly sweet foods but loved sugary drinks while Five was the opposite, he ate sugary foods like there was no tomorrow while preferring bitter drinks.

As she focused on the wall in front of her while nibbling on her sandwich, she saw Five unfurl from his position, reaching out and quickly nabbing the other sandwich and eating it quickly. She watched him the whole time, worried he might choke as he ate so fast before he reached out and chugged half of his hot coffee. She was about to snatch it from him, afraid he was hurting himself when he put the mug down and she saw his eyes were clear, albeit red-rimmed, and she let out a sigh of relief before speaking again.

“Do you… do you want to talk about it?”

Five didn’t look at her as he nodded, simply staring at the plate on the table as Vanya huffed, a little exasperated with how predictable her husband could be even when he denied it. She held out her sandwich, smiling a little with the way Five grabbed it like it was a treasure she had given him, eating the sandwich a little slower as he gathered his thoughts. Vanya was content to let him, reaching out to grab her coffee and curl up on the couch. 

As she sipped her coffee she watched Five, enjoying the way his brow would wrinkle before straightening and repeating that pattern, the way the light reflected off his greying hairs around his ears, turning them a silverish color, but she really enjoyed the way his wedding ring shone when the light hit it, a reminder to her that Five was very much hers as she was his.

She was shaken from her somewhat possessive thoughts when she heard Five’s voice, too quiet for anyone to hear, but she wasn’t anyone and her heart swelled because Five knew she would still be able to hear him, no matter how quiet he was she would always be able to hear him.

“I… haven’t been completely honest with you. A few days ago when I was dealing with the commision members who’ve been snooping around here I ran into… My ex-boss. She just said some things that got to me is all.”

Vanya felt her blood boil. She had met the handler only once and that was because she had been with Five when they had been ambushed by commission agents and the women had slinked out of the shadows like the villain wannabe she was, creepily flirting with Five while dismissing Vanya completely. 

Vanya had destroyed one of the training rooms that night in the mansion, too pissed off and wanting blood to be spilled. Only Five held her and asked her so sweetly and gently while he did so for her to speak to him, wanting to know where it was again she wanted to travel, and why, knowing both of those things already but hearing Vanya talk also calmed him down.

  
  


With a clenched jaw and a glare at the wall in front of her, she asked,

“What did she say to you Five?”

Vanya cast her gaze to Five, swallowing her anger when he hesitated. After all, she wasn’t mad at him, she was mad at the bitch who would _ not  _ leave them the _ fuck alone. _

_ “ _ She told me that while you may have me now, she not only had me longer but that you also left me to fuck off with a man you barely knew because he showed you the tiniest bit of attention and that a ring means nothing in the long run.”

Vanya felt her blood run cold as he spoke, and she had to stop herself from curling into a ball, knowing it wasn’t five saying this, but words the handler spoke that she had asked for. It did hurt though to realize that Five had at  _ least  _ fallen for them, otherwise they wouldn’t have affected him so much. 

Five must’ve sensed her distress anyway as he scooted closer to her, wrapping an arm around her and letting her hide her face in his side. Vanya took it as the silent apology it was, five didn’t like physical contact from anyone, including her when he was vulnerable. He had told her once that at his lowest he had almost given into the handler’s words, the only thing that had stopped him was her book and the sentence he had always come back to  _ ‘He was my best friend and sole confidant.’ _ He had also admitted on his more bitter days with the commission or even now really that part of him was glad she had felt alone as much as he had actually been alone, a sign that they truly had been made for each other.

However, even though Vanya accepts Five’s hug she makes sure only her head is touching him, buried in his side like it is, as she doesn’t want to chase him off and the way he relaxes slightly when she doesn’t do more than hiding her face tells her it was the right call. 

Since she’s hiding she feels safer to talk now, looking into her husband’s eyes when having a heart to heart still causes guilt to choke her and causes her to shut down, both learning communication but not the best at it.

“I’m sorry five, I should’ve believed you. After all, if you had come back still looking as you did the day you left, an oncoming apocalypse shouldn’t have been that far fetched.”

Five just hums noncommittally, while starting to run his fingers through her hair and she feels affection for this man who understands that she isn’t done speaking yet.

“I also apologize for… for choosing leona-  _ Harold _ over our fami-” His grip tightens on her hair almost imperceptibly and she understands that right now he doesn’t give a rats ass about their family, right now it’s a moment for just them, so she quickly backtracks, knowing what she needed to say.

“I’m sorry for choosing Harold over you five… But I’m not the only one to blame there.”

She mumbles the last bit, too afraid of rejection and backlash. Just because Five and her had been working out their issues didn’t mean they didn’t still have their fears, their vulnerabilities. Hell they were here on the couch at three in the morning because Five was woken up by those insecurities of his.

It seemed however that Five had heard, and she questioned for a moment if he wasn’t the one with super hearing, but figured it was a skill he had picked up, learning to listen for the slightest noise as he had told her that some of his marks had been paranoid, expecting someone to come after them.

He never went into detail, preferring more to try to explain what he saw on his travels but it was obvious to even her that the scenery never mattered to five, just wanting to get home and to get away from a woman who used his bruised and battered lonely soul against him.

  
  


“I apologize to Vanya. I realize that had I talked to you after you came to find me then that  _ bastard _ would never have used you. Or maybe you would’ve spoken up sooner at least even if you  _ had gone with him _ ”, -Five’s voice drips skepticism like he doubts that if he had talked to her that she would’ve willing gone to  _ him _ , Vanya doesn’t correct him as she’s not sure if he’s wrong.- “as I imagine you saw the signs of manipulation.”

Vanya sits on five’s last words though, because she didn’t just  _ see  _ the signs of manipulation, of the abuse that the  _ bastard _ had been doling out not just mentally, but  _ physically _ as well, as she had the proof on her body that was no longer there, just another scar on her memory as she didn’t go through  _ that _ when Five time-traveled the family back.

Five doesn’t like that though, the fact she’s quiet about it, and when he speaks she can hear the tremor in it, the concern that bleeds through.

“Vanya, please tell me you knew that he was at least… I don't know,  _ creepy?”  _ Vanya doesn’t say anything though, just starts crying quietly, though knows it’s pointless to hide it from five as he can feel her shake as she holds in sobs. __

Her heart breaks more when she hears his voice,  _ the anger and aggression _ and she knows,  _ she knows  _ that it isn’t aimed at her but at the bastard who had done this to his sweet timid Vanya, his wife, his  _ goddess.  _

“I’m sorry my love. If I had  _ just fucking stayed!-” _ Vanya can’t help her flinch at his tone, her emotions heightened thanks to her sadness with five’s yelling is absolute  _ hell  _ to her sensitive hearing and Five knows it, his hand coming to rub her back soothingly as the windows start to rattle and the tiny potted plant on the bookshelf grows just enough that they’ll have to get a bigger pot for it now so it doesn’t die. 

  
  
  


After a minute of his quiet reassurances and ministrations of petting her hair and back, she’s calm enough to stop the windows but she stays hidden in five’s side, now embarrassed but Five allows it, knowing that pushing her would lead to Vanya having an accident, something she hadn’t had in almost two years since she got a good enough grasp of her powers.

Five finally continues speaking, albeit a lot quieter so he doesn’t get her worked up and she nuzzles his side as a silent thank you.

“If I had stayed my love… you wouldn’t be suffering right now.'' After a second of silence Five let out a humorless chuckle and it sent shivers down Vanya’s spine at the sound.

“We are quite a pair, aren’t we? We both got into or almost got into relationships that would have destroyed us had we not realized how much we need each other…” Five trails off, and Vanya finally sits up to look at Five because she has to say this to him while looking at him, needs him to understand the gravity of her love for him, her  _ regret _ and  _ sadness  _ and  _ absolute despair _ she had felt not just with him gone, but what she had felt when Leonard had kept popping up everywhere, pushing her more and more until she had killed him in a red hazed rage, feeling like a vengeful goddess more than ever and not feeling particularly sorry she had done it, but that she had  _ enjoyed it. _

_ (Her husband, her sole confidant, her personal god who enjoyed killing those who deserved it.  _ Sometimes Vanya wonders if they had been a couple in previous lives if they had ever been gods together because some days with Five that’s what they felt like, two gods who could take down the world just to make sure the other was  _ alive, safe,  _ and in each other’s arm’s where they  _ belong). _

“Five, what I did with Leonard… was me wanting attention. I can't deny that. I’ve always craved attention because I was locked up and told I wasn't _ enough _ until I moved out of that… cage and even then those words followed me like a particularly worn cloak that had melded to my skin. But I can also say part of it was a rebellion against Allison and Diego, I hadn’t seen them in twelve years and were still angry at me for the book and yet they tried to  _ tell me what to do!-”  _

Five goes to hug her while she takes a deep breath when the mugs on the table start to rattle but before she can go to finish speaking what she had been trying to say, Five beats her to it.

“It’s okay. I… was not happy when I realized you had chosen that douche, but I understood why. I also understood that no matter how much I wanted you, I wasn’t sure if you still felt the same. It wasn’t until I saw you on stage and I could see the kid in you, the one who cried over ants. It was buried deep in your eyes, but I  _ knew _ then that my timid Vanya was still there.”

And Vanya is crying again, although for a completely different reason and she lunges at Five, arms wrapping around his neck while her legs wrap around his waist and she’s clinging onto him while crying into his shoulder. His arms come up to wrap around her back and she doesn’t know how long they stay on the couch but after a bit, she can feel her eyes drooping closed. The two crying jags with emotional conversation had tired her more than ever. Although it’s a plus as it’s an easier way to control her emotions without the help of the pills.

When she’s almost completely out of it she feels Five stand up and in the next second she’s on their bed and still wrapped around Five, although now under the covers and the warmth from her husband as well as their comforter is enough to send her to dreamland.

Her last coherent thought before conking out and surrendering to the black is,

‘That bitch needs to die’.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Vanya stepped up into the handler's face, and she cursed her short stature for a second before focusing on why she was here in the first place.

“You know, I’m getting really tired of you and your commission not only still coming after my family, but also undermining Five and his happiness. He was tormented by you for thirteen years, why can’t you just back the fuck off?”

Vanya clenched her jaw when the handler smirked, her hand coming up to push some of Vanya's hair behind her ear like a mother would to a child and Vanya bared her teeth, the gesture felt  _ wrong, twisted _ and  _ only grace _ got the honor of touching her like a mother, not this bitch who still traumatized her Five in his nightmares.

“Sweetheart, just because you're married doesn’t mean shit.  _ I _ saved ‘ _ your _ ’ darling Five when he was alone. Just because he hasn’t acknowledged what we have just  _ yet _ doesn’t mean I'm letting him go. He’s already starting to doubt you, isn’t he?”

Vanya forced herself not to flinch, as she was partially right, Five  _ had _ been  _ avoiding  _ her, but that wasn’t because he doubted her, it’s because she knew Five wanted to deal with the handler without her knowing, he thought she was too pure and innocent to be involved with his darker dealings and while it was a little hilarious, she warmed at the thought Five saw her that way like she was his own personal goddess.

She snarled this time at the handler as she smirked wickedly like she had caught Vanya in a trap.

“No, you listen,  _ sweetheart, _ you treated Five like shit, still do. Also, don’t you think that someone who has energy-based powers and can fight him with it ending in a tie is… I don’t know,  _ more of his flavor?! _ ”

Vanya smirked at the rage that crossed the handler’s face while she focused on her heartbeat, slowly letting her powers start to  _ squeeze  _ the organ, and as she never took her eyes off her face as she did so she watched her face contorted, her hands coming up to scratch her throat as she gasped for air. She staggered backward into her desk, one hand shooting out to steady herself before she slowly slid to the ground as her eyes gazed at nothing, no more luxurious cunning hiding in her depths. Vanya watched her for a moment and made sure that she was dead before turning on her heel and walking out. 

She walked to where the briefcases were, remembering the map five had put in his desk that she had looked at while he was at work. Upon reaching the room she grabbed the first case she could reach, tilting her head in the direction of the door as she heard heels clack on the floor. She gathered her power from that sound and waited, watching cautiously as a short man entered alongside the women with heels.

The man spoke up, sounding jovial and Vanya released some of her power, a show to let them know she wouldn’t hurt them… yet.

“Hey there, I’m herb and this here is dot.” 

“Hello!”

Vanya nodded, gaze going to dot for a second before going back to herb. She wasn’t underestimating Dot but she seemed more like a secretary type, although she figured everyone working at the commission knew how to fight and use weapons.

“We saw you walking out of the handler’s office and as I know all the agents here I figured I would ask what you were doing there.”

She narrowed her eyes, while that could be perceived as a threat… both herb and dot seemed pleased like they knew what she had just done. 

“Do you know what just happened?” 

She was shocked by Dot’s response, the women almost jumping up and down in joy.

“We do! Don’t worry, no one else was around and everyone here didn’t like her. We’ll say someone broke in and stole a suitcase and killed her while they were here. Agent Five knows where the GPS is in the case, just ask him to disable it as soon as possible. The suitcase you can keep in case of an emergency!”

Vanya’s head was spinning with how fast dot spoke, the woman saying that without pausing for breath. She nodded nonetheless though, although she was wary as to how they knew she knew agen- Five.

Her expression must’ve given that away as herb spoke this time, chuckling as he did so.

“Five has been in contact with the agents who’ve been wanting the handler to be… dealt with so to speak. Dot and I have been handling the messages so the handler wouldn’t get wind of the plan as well as the fact a lot of the agents think he’s an asshole.”

Vanya smiled a little at that. They weren’t wrong, most people could only deal with five in small doses, or else they got the urge to murder him. She stopped though when she heard footsteps coming to the handler’s office and she quickly asked,

“So, how do I use this?”

Herb seemed to understand that someone was coming and instructed her how to use it before both he and dot left, going to erase any evidence she had been there. She quickly set the suitcase for the day and year and closed her eyes when the world shifted around her. It felt like a bumpier ride than when Five spacial jumped them, but she figured time travel was a lot more chaotic than just traveling through space.

When she opened her eyes, she sighed in relief to see the living room of the upscale apartment she shared with Five. She closed her eyes and concentrated and frowned when she didn’t hear Five’s heartbeat. She opened her eyes again and located a clock, and sighed when she realized he would be at work for another two hours. 

She walked to their bedroom, placing the suitcase on the bed and sitting beside it while she thought back to the events that had just occurred.

She killed someone,  _ willingly _ and while she tried to rationalize her oncoming guilt and at such a thing, all she could do was panic, thinking of how everyone would be out for her. Her siblings would be terrified of her, the commission would want her dead, Five would be… the only one who cared. He always was. 

She decided to go take a bath, hoping it would help relax her as she could hear everything in the apartment rattle gently as she got more and more worked up, as well as the tips of her hair turning white, a sign that her powers weren’t in her control.

She walked into the master bathroom, now on autopilot as her mind fell into a panic. She didn’t even undress as she got in the big tub, only turned the water off before closing her eyes and trying to think rationally about the situation.

She was so caught up that she didn’t hear Five enter the apartment, the sound of space opening as he jumped to the bedroom, or his gasp at the sight of a suitcase on the bed. He however heard water slosh in the tub as Vanya submerged herself until the water was barely touching her nose, eyes closed to everything but her thoughts.

Therefore she wasn’t paying attention when Five ran in, eyes alight with concern and worry as he took in her state. She was paler than normal and her hair still hadn’t lost the white at the tips. She was wearing her clothes as well as her shoes and Five bent down as Vanya hadn’t opened her eyes and she always responded when he was nearby, she had told him their wedding night as they danced that she  _ always  _ was listening to his heartbeat, that it reassured her that he was still there and not gallivanting through time for a madwoman who wanted to jump him. 

“Seven.”

Five reached out to her when she didn’t respond, not caring that he was getting soaked as he held his Seven, his forehead touching hers as he spoke honestly from the heart, his Vanya deserving all his honesty and heart.

“Seven, please. Wake up, I need you, you told me you want to visit Greece and all the temples there. Please, it’s shameful how someone who’s traveled through time doesn’t remember their time in Greece.” 

A tear fell down his face, he was worried as Vanya always answered him, the only time she had been this unresponsive is when he had traveled back his family to the day of Reginald’s funeral and Vanya had not spoken to any of them after he found her down in the chamber.

After a moment he closed his eyes, simply holding Vanya’s body to his. Therefore when Vanya opened her eyes, he was shocked to feel her arms go around his shoulders, holding onto him tightly. He tried to pull back but she held on, burying her face into his chest while she whimpered and he shushed her, running his hand down her hair to calm her down. When her whimpers subsided he whispered gently to hold on while he went to drain the tub quickly before returning to hold Vanya to him, hands going under her knees and back so he could carry her and Vanya wrapper her arms around his neck, face buried between his shoulder and neck. 

Five jumped them to the bedroom and put Vanya down on the bed before going to get towels to dry her off. When he got back she was sitting up on the bed and was proceeding to take off her soggy clothes. He walked over and gently took her arm and wiped it down before doing the same to her other arm, and he repeated this, gently but methodically wiping her off so she wouldn’t be cold and shivering. When he was done he draped the towel over her hair and gently toweled it off before letting it rest there before he stripped down himself, and toweled off quickly, not nearly as soaked as Vanya had been. 

Then he went to his side of the bed and got in, grabbing Vanya gently and pulling her under the covers and cuddling with her while he waited for her to come back completely. It was as he was tracing absent-minded designs on her upper arms and across her collar bone, that Vanya finally came to.

“Five? I-you were-I was… am I naked?” 

Five smiled faintly at Vanya’s ramblings. While some people would assume it was Vanya starting to panic he recognized the rambling as just part of her awkward shy nature. It was also a sign that she was no longer panicking which was always a good thing, although he was curious and concerned at why she had been panicking in the first place.

“Welcome back love. You were… passed out in the tub.”

Five struggled at how to ask what he wanted to ask, so he instead decided to see if he could have Vanya tell him. He wouldn’t pressure her no,  _ never _ , but he knew she would read his silent questions and it was up to her if she answered them but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to  _ try. _

And it seemed to be the correct thing to do as Vanya flinched back a little upon remembering what she had been doing before she came back to herself, cuddling with five and leeching his body heat as she was  _ cold.  _

_ Now she knew why. _

Five simply wrapped an arm around her waist while the other went to go play with her hair, having found out that it calmed Vanya to have her played with when too stressed out about something. 

After a minute Vanya relaxed again and they just laid in silence, content to just  _ be _ in each other’s presence. After a while, though Five knew his patience wouldn’t hold much longer, especially if it caused his Vanya such distress that she passed out in the tub. So he tugged on her hair, not enough to hurt but to grab her attention and he finally noticed that she seemed to have dozed as her eyelids fluttered open and she gazed at him blearily before seeming to realize he wanted something.

“Yes, dear?”

Part of five melted at hearing Vanya’s voice. The part that was all animal instinct and not used to society or morals all that much seemed to calm upon hearing his mate’s voice, all sleepy and content and he decided that this conversation could be for tomorrow’s them, now he just wanted to cuddle with  _ his _ sweet timid little Vanya,  _ his  _ wife _ , his  _ own avenging goddess who could kill just as easily as help life.

So he simply kissed her forehead before cradling her body against his and he sighed as she wrapped an arm around him while she snuggled into his chest. They fell asleep that way, both wrapped around each other, Vanya listening to Five’s heartbeat while he breathed in her scent of earth and thunderstorms.


End file.
